Suicide
you who read be wary for those who tarry here,
never return and if they do they are forever changed.
if you like your life, I beg you, read not and live ignorant.
for to venture further is to seek your own death.
my name is not of import, I will yet be forgotten.
I was a champion of life, born for battle.
until I found the war…For as I fought I grew weak,
my reserves deplete and my strength fails.
when dust settled on the field, I found myself alone
no call to rally the flag, no glory victory, only silence.
the one I would crown is dead, I have no cause.
my lady of pledge waits no longer, I have no true love.
my comrades of arms’ hearts stopped in their throats
and O’ the children laugh, their song resounds.
when dust settled on my heart, I found it cold
no peace of victory, no calm of honor honored.
my blade slicked with slaughter swung restless to my side.
unsheathed, I gauged my steel and found it wanting.
I left it there for some doomed youth to wield and find useless.
my dagger, my only friend, I left to find my cause.
when dust settled on my shoulders, I found them worn
no strength of spirit to support, curved and cowered.
a thousands strides and ten thousand more I traversed.
alone and afraid I stumbled weak and worn from my weight.
I shed my armor in disgust as it was no protection
my short knife on my belt was my only company.
when dust settled on my head, I found it lacking.
no rapier like wit, no stable logic discerning.
edible beauty I pledged to be purged, forgotten as I was.
I swore to flea town and city, friend or foe that offered relief.
I would cut off my life and rid this world of me.
but in my stupor I broke my vow as my sharp friend and I ate.
when dust settled on my feet, I found them useless.
no race to win, no home to return to.
if, I thought, myself that weak, mayhap I might tie myself.
I worked for my rope, my noose, I made it of my fiber being.
twist and twine in twilight, I worked burning my light low.
when I saw my labor at length I called it rough and left it.
when dust settled on my hands, I found them worthless.
no great deed done, no work worth more than the worker.
so too weak to starve and too petty to hang I thought
and mayhap, I said, that is my trouble.
I could stop judging life or death and consider it all equal,
but even these small pills of poison are too much to take.
when dust settled, I saw my eyes hollow and glossed.
no depth to reach to, no love or fire burning within.
I drew out my short companion and his edge bit.
clenching my teeth I marveled at His pure beauty.
as slick warm rivulets slid down my flesh.
cut to the quick I was slain by my only friend.
when the din of battle dies, in my loneliness I looked,
and there is the call glorified by my silence.
look for me you who dare I will spare you no gore.
view and see me as I am, understand me and my companion.
as I die that you may see just how much He is to me.
my friend, in a cold world, bleeds my sins past in sharp friendship.
when dust settles, I will see myself not alone.
the call is eternal dying, for His glory fills the silence.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
he who follows me should care not of worldly things.
for he who loves his life shall loose it,
but he who looses his life for My sake shall save it.
for I come to the world not to bring peace but a dagger.
-J why