Always presenting smiles wide
I grin to cover, to hide.
Can friend or foe near my side?
In whom may I confide?

Where to find peace to abide?
Will to stand and hope to ride?
Through the storm securely tide?
Find the goal I’ve never spied?

Can testimony be snide?
Would others think I’ve lied?
Because I can’t hold my pride?
Or would they then look inside?

Even I, in the dark, cried.
Out for a hand then to guide.

-J why

With my own two hands
I work my best
Traveling through many lands
Wondering what I’ve left

These are not my people

I don’t fit with their ways
My wonders are naught
My fascination, for them, strays
I’m lost to be their ought

These are not my people

What wonders they build
They do astound me
I yearn to be likewise filled
Though I can’t pay the fee

These are not my people

I borrow their laughter
And steal their smiles
Why am I empty after
I’ve tasted their whiles?

These are not my people

Given this, why do I stay?
What I need I have
I work for Your way
Aided by rod and staff.

These are not my people

But some will and some are
Children still born to You
You Love them all near or far
Differenced many or few.

These were not my people

But You’ve given Mercy-Grace
You lead I follow, for
You are Love’s true face
Your blessings here out pour.

-J why

My dear dreamed maiden fair
Your touch is a comfort here
I have longed for your care
God’s gift, you, eases my fear.

Righteousness craving
You help me be better.
Toward the King moving
We from each sin unfetter.

Dear messenger of God
Your True beauty shines so bright
The world may call you odd
But you shine with heaven’s light.

Would you look and find me near?
And with me toward heaven steer?

-J why

Sitting in a blank room
Thinking plain things
Hoping to slumber soon
Back to mind’s wings

Counting blessed my pain
As blessed I’ve been
Slate wiped clean yet again
My hurts now mend

Mercy given to me
Joy unlooked for
And I, sinner set free
Need want no more

Grace unsought and still bought
Fills my heart sweet
My love still has me caught
From head to feet

Surprised by joy, my Lord
See my heart now out poured.

-J why

Lost love or illusion
Why do you haunt me?
My grief gags great
Without your want.
Still do you persist,
What more can I give?
Each day I tame
My every want and crave
Sometimes well done
And sometimes not but
Memory still serves me
I will not forget.
Spirit true lead me
To my One fate
Guard and guide my
Lost and crying heart
Take me from myself
For You and Her alone
For as She offers and
As I offer to You
So may our heart-mind
Be joined in this life
Do not let the Labor
Love prolong too far
Bring Birth to a love-
Promise in hope and faith
Renew us for each other
In Your grace Father.

Love, I long to see you so much
I pray to our Father for one touch
Yet it is not our timing in life
But His that follow through all strife
Still I cannot cease to think
Of how much I need my friend.
Though we still must wait
For the wholly matrimonial link
I know that with God, ’tis a happy end
That will present before it is too late.

you who read be wary for those who tarry here,
never return and if they do they are forever changed.
if you like your life, I beg you, read not and live ignorant.
for to venture further is to seek your own death.

my name is not of import, I will yet be forgotten.
I was a champion of life, born for battle.
until I found the war…For as I fought I grew weak,
my reserves deplete and my strength fails.

when dust settled on the field, I found myself alone
no call to rally the flag, no glory victory, only silence.

the one I would crown is dead, I have no cause.
my lady of pledge waits no longer, I have no true love.
my comrades of arms’ hearts stopped in their throats
and O’ the children laugh, their song resounds.

when dust settled on my heart, I found it cold
no peace of victory, no calm of honor honored.

my blade slicked with slaughter swung restless to my side.
unsheathed, I gauged my steel and found it wanting.
I left it there for some doomed youth to wield and find useless.
my dagger, my only friend, I left to find my cause.

when dust settled on my shoulders, I found them worn
no strength of spirit to support, curved and cowered.

a thousands strides and ten thousand more I traversed.
alone and afraid I stumbled weak and worn from my weight.
I shed my armor in disgust as it was no protection
my short knife on my belt was my only company.

when dust settled on my head, I found it lacking.
no rapier like wit, no stable logic discerning.

edible beauty I pledged to be purged, forgotten as I was.
I swore to flea town and city, friend or foe that offered relief.
I would cut off my life and rid this world of me.
but in my stupor I broke my vow as my sharp friend and I ate.

when dust settled on my feet, I found them useless.
no race to win, no home to return to.

if, I thought, myself that weak, mayhap I might tie myself.
I worked for my rope, my noose, I made it of my fiber being.
twist and twine in twilight, I worked burning my light low.
when I saw my labor at length I called it rough and left it.

when dust settled on my hands, I found them worthless.
no great deed done, no work worth more than the worker.

so too weak to starve and too petty to hang I thought
and mayhap, I said, that is my trouble.
I could stop judging life or death and consider it all equal,
but even these small pills of poison are too much to take.

when dust settled, I saw my eyes hollow and glossed.
no depth to reach to, no love or fire burning within.

I drew out my short companion and his edge bit.
clenching my teeth I marveled at His pure beauty.
as slick warm rivulets slid down my flesh.
cut to the quick I was slain by my only friend.

when the din of battle dies, in my loneliness I looked,
and there is the call glorified by my silence.

look for me you who dare I will spare you no gore.
view and see me as I am, understand me and my companion.
as I die that you may see just how much He is to me.
my friend, in a cold world, bleeds my sins past in sharp friendship.

when dust settles, I will see myself not alone.
the call is eternal dying, for His glory fills the silence.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

he who follows me should care not of worldly things.
for he who loves his life shall loose it,
but he who looses his life for My sake shall save it.
for I come to the world not to bring peace but a dagger.

-J why

O’ impossible simple breath
Where do you go from me?
Damp sight be damning
Tight lidded, squinting shut.
Pain within invites pain without
Solitude surrounds me.
Father, I see her in vision rending
How long must I wait?
Would she fear me as I am?
Hate me for what I have been?
Pleasure denied to a lover true,
Love pains those who have hearts.
Waiting is torment endured through time,
Serving You above self-sightedness.

Luck is a Lady, and chance knocks but once.
I seem a gentleman yet soon sloth will catch me up.
My dream is a woman to love and hold.
Yet I fear those who would dare see me out.
Of masks I have plenty except for her.
For her, she must see me as is with no deception.
That would be my best relief and worst fear.
She would have no deception to see, only the real me.
All the walls would be blown away for her.
There would be no barrier for her to be blocked by.
Her love must be fully true to me whole.
For without distraction, I become a fragile being.

Yet if her love is true for me whole with no doubt,
My life is too little to pay for her happiness.

The kiss I’ve tasted so long
from forgotten dreams.
The drink of heaven’s wine,
reserved only for kings.
The seal of fate and love
binds me to the quest.
This maiden fair I must find
though crazed be my crest.

-J why